Choosing a Memorial for a Child: A Gentle Guide for Parents

Author : Christina Wood | Published On : 29 Jul 2026

There is nothing straightforward about this decision, and no guide can make it feel ordinary. What follows is simply practical information, offered quietly, for parents who are trying to work out what comes next. Take from it only what is useful to you.

There is no correct timeframe

Some families want a memorial in place within a few months. Others wait a year, or several years, and some find they only feel ready long after everyone else has assumed it was done. All of these are normal.

There is no window that closes. A grave can be marked at any time, and choosing to wait is not neglect. Cemeteries often ask for a settling period after burial before a permanent memorial is installed, so a short wait may be built in regardless.

If you are being asked to decide before you feel able, it is completely reasonable to say you need more time. A temporary marker or a plaque can hold the place while you think.

Children's sections and what they allow

Most New Zealand cemeteries have a dedicated children's area, sometimes called a babies' section or a garden of remembrance. These plots are usually smaller than adult plots, and the rules that come with them differ from one council to another.

Things worth checking with the cemetery before you design anything:

Maximum height, width and depth of the memorial
Whether upright headstones are permitted or only flat plaques
Rules about photographs, colour and attached ornaments
Whether toys, windmills and solar lights may be left on the plot, and if they are cleared periodically
Whether the section is maintained by mowing, which affects base and border design

Some sections are deliberately kept uniform, which can feel restrictive. It can also be a comfort to some families, since it means their child sits among others rather than alone. If the limits do not suit what you have in mind, ask whether a plot elsewhere in the cemetery is available.

Softer design choices

Memorials for children tend to move away from the formal shapes used for adults. Common choices include:

Hearts. Simple, warm, and a shape that does not need explaining.
Angel wings. Often chosen for infants and very young children, either as the full shape of the stone or carved as a detail.
Small uprights. A scaled down traditional headstone, which suits older children and gives room for a longer inscription.
Books. An open book shape works well where there are two names, or where you want a verse on one side and details on the other.
Colour. Full colour printing allows favourite characters, animals, sports colours or a piece of the child's own artwork to appear on the stone.

Toys, teddies, trains, butterflies and characters from books or films are all used, and they are used often. There is no requirement for a child's memorial to look solemn. Many parents find a great deal of comfort in a stone that looks like it belongs to the child it names.

Children's artwork deserves a mention on its own. A drawing, a painted handprint or a signature reproduced onto the stone carries something no design catalogue can offer. Makers of personalised headstones such as Sanctuary Memorials can usually work from a scan or photograph of the original.

Including siblings

Brothers and sisters often want a part in this, and being given one can matter to them for years afterwards. Ways families do it:

A sibling chooses the colour, the shape or the flower
A sibling's drawing is included alongside the main design
Their names appear in the inscription, for example as loved brother of, or with a line they wrote themselves
They help choose the words, even just one line
They come along to the consultation and see the stone samples

For a child who lost a sibling before they were old enough to remember, having their name on the memorial can be quietly important later in life. It confirms the relationship existed.

Older siblings sometimes want no part in it at all, and that is worth respecting too. The offer matters more than the answer.

Words and wording

Inscriptions for children are usually short. A name, dates, and a handful of words tend to carry more weight than a long verse. Some families use a nickname, a line from a lullaby or bedtime book, or simply a sentence they said to the child every night.

If you cannot settle on the words, leave space and add them later. Lettering can be added to a memorial after installation.

A few practical notes

Ask about production time so you are not caught out. Custom stonework generally takes some weeks between design approval and installation, and that is before the cemetery schedules the work.

Ask for costs to be set out in full, including the base, installation and any cemetery fees, so there are no surprises later. Many memorial makers offer payment options, and it is fair to ask about them directly.

Bring someone with you to the consultation if you can, or ask about an online video appointment if leaving the house is too much right now. You do not have to hold all of this on your own, and you do not have to get it right the first time.